I Don't Understand

I don’t know about you, but I’m glad that 2015 is over.  It was a difficult year for me.  Looking back, it has made me question a lot of my expectations of life.   I’m one who likes to know what’s coming.  I will keep on until I figure it out.  Unfortunately, this past year seemed to be full of too many unknowns which lead to ‘I don’t understands.’   

I don’t understand why my list of friends I pray for, with cancer, continues to grow rather than diminish.

I don’t understand why God would take a healthy baby girl from its mother in her fifth month of pregnancy and leave such a hole in our hearts.

I don’t understand why one of my best friends from high school died unexpectedly.  I didn’t think I was old enough to be losing classmates already, but it’s happening too frequently. You start re-evaluating life when people your own age begin to die.

I don’t understand why my closest friend, who is more like a sister than a cousin to me, would lose her husband, also my same age, when they had such a special relationship and so much to look forward to.

I don’t understand how the teenager of a friend decided life wasn’t worth living and ended it.  It seems like yesterday we excitedly anticipated his arrival into the world.

When I look at death, from a distance, I can rationalize it by saying that we don’t understand it like God sees it.  After all, this world is our temporary stopping ground.  Heaven is our real home, and He’s just calling someone home when they die.  But when it happens to someone close to me, that truth is of little comfort.  The pain of the death of someone you love is hell to go through.  I believe that’s what Hell is – a continuous feeling of grief.  What could be any worse?

Let’s face it, God never promised us a wonderful life here on Earth.  In John 16:33, Jesus says, “In this world you will have troubles.”  It will certainly be filled with hardships.  We won't understand everything that happens.  We can't fully comprehend God.

Isaiah 55:8,9 - "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

 Living in the world is like going to school - continual learning, continual tests.  It’s how you get through the tests that determines how your life will go.  You can either choose to stay stuck in the trials and pain or learn from them and move on.  Depending on God will lessen those burdens and make it easier to move on.                                                                                                                                                                    

I don’t know how anyone gets through the troubles of life without God.   He gives us hope – for tomorrow and for eternity.   If it wasn’t for that, I think I would have given up a long time ago.   Oh wait, I almost did, many years ago.  But thank God, He was there to pick me up and help me through.  He taught me how to depend on Him.  He saved my life, my marriage, the life of my daughter.  He gave me purpose. 

You see, we are all here for a reason.  Believe it or not, that reason is not for our families, our jobs, or fame and fortune.  God has a plan or purpose for each and every one of us.  When we forget that, we can get so bogged down by the weight of the world that we lose sight of what is truly important.  People are what is important.  Whatever your purpose is (and I highly suggest you figure it out) it will be something to do with helping others and leading them to God in the process.  Usually, our purpose develops from the greatest trials we’ve faced.

Phillippians 2:3, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

I can’t imagine thinking that this life is all there is.  You die…and then what?   Surely this can’t be it.  It makes so much sense to me to latch on to the idea of heaven that God promises us.  That’s what keeps me going - the promise of eternity in the heavenly realms where there are no tears or heartaches.  

I don’t understand why everyone wouldn’t want the promise of Heaven.  Besides, we get to reunite with our friends and family who are already there and spend eternity together. I will meet my first baby and my grandbaby in heaven.  I wouldn’t miss that for the world!

So in spite of the hardships and grief, I choose to keep on keeping on.  Even though I may not understand why things happen the way they do, I do know that God is there for me, to help me and give me His peace that surpasses all understanding.  The alternative is to believe in nothing.  Where is the hope in that?