My Marriage, My Sanctuary
It is
wonderful to be at the stage of marriage where you accept that your spouse
isn’t perfect, you don’t look to them for your happiness, and you no longer
hold them accountable for every word that comes out of their mouth. I would love to be able to tell you that Rick
and I only speak words of wisdom to one another, but that’s not the case, even
after 32 years of marriage. We sometimes
mess up, usually because of lack of sleep, illness, stress and crazy
hormones. (Or is it the hormones that
make me crazy? Okay, I admit it. I’m usually the one that says stupid things.)
Even when
Rick and I do mess up, we are quick with understanding. I don’t respond (most of the time) until I’ve
studied the situation and look at what’s going on with Rick that he would say
something insensitive to me. He does the
same for me. (He’s had a lot more practice.)
We’ve broken the cycle of arguing that causes the most grief in a
marriage relationship. It wasn’t always
like that.
When I met
Rick, he was dressed as Superman and my nickname was Wonder Woman. We were convinced that our relationship was
invincible, and we left our wedding reception dressed as these superheroes. We
lived our first years of marriage thinking we knew something other couples
didn’t. We would never face problems in
our marriage. We were Superman and
Wonder Woman!
Everything
was great because I went along with whatever Rick wanted. That’s how my parent’s relationship was until
they divorced when I was 16. I was not
allowed to voice my opinion growing up; my father made all the decisions. I didn’t know relationships should be any
different – until our son came along.
Life changed
dramatically for us with a baby, especially for me. Rick drew away from me and our son because he
was at a stressful and demanding job and didn’t know how to cope with a baby. I began voicing my opinion – in the form of
screams and demands. I wouldn’t share my
concerns with Rick until I reached the boiling point, and then it came out as
hurtful yelling. Suddenly, the world
according to Superman and Wonder Woman turned upside down.
We went
through a few years of major struggles until my father died. I fell into a deep depression then and no
longer wanted to be a wife or mother. I
considered divorce when Rick got an assignment with the Air Force to go to
Bitburg, Germany. I had no intentions of
following him to the other side of the world.
I was going to leave him for another man that I worked with and who
promised me the world. (Hmm. I think
Satan promised that to Jesus, too.)
Through many
trials and heartaches, God began speaking to the both of us. When we finally started to listen, He
miraculously healed our marriage. (For
the complete story, read my book “When Superheroes Fall.” Contact me and I’ll send you a copy because
it is temporarily unavailable online.)
God turned
our marriage around and changed our lives.
We drew closer to Him and closer to each other. We learned how to communicate and share our
problems before they became major issues.
God made our marriage better than it had ever been!
Rick and I
have learned to seek God, together, when problems seem insurmountable. We keep God close to us and include Him in
all we do. He has been an amazing
addition to our marriage, and we couldn’t do it without Him. My marriage has become my sanctuary, my
refuge.
I look back
at the trials Rick and I faced in our marriage, and I wouldn’t trade them for
anything. They brought us where we are
today.
Thank you for your patience as I try to sort out my posting difficulties. (The white background - pasted look??)
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