How Do I Fall Back in Love with My Spouse?

So you’ve been through serious difficulties in your marriage and have struggled to forgive.  You don’t know that you truly love your spouse anymore.  The state of marriage can be overwhelming during these times, so what do you do?

First of all, you need to make sure that you’ve forgiven your spouse for any wrong that may have clouded your feelings of love.  Remember, forgiveness is a choice - one you need to make every time you’re reminded of indiscretions against you.  You can’t move on to a healthy marriage until you forgive, as God forgave you.

As for falling out of love, let me tell you how God returned my love for my husband back to me.

I thought I had fallen completely out of love with my husband when we went through our marriage crisis.  My friends at the time told me I shouldn’t stay in my marriage if I didn’t love him anymore.  (If you have friends that tell you this, they are not your friends.  I suggest you find new ones.)

I honestly didn’t see any hope in our marriage, and then Rick got an assignment with the Air Force to go to Germany.  I had no desire to follow him.   When I actually started to consider divorce, God began to quietly tell me that He wouldn’t be happy with that decision. He reminded me of the pain I suffered as a child of divorce, and I knew I didn’t want to put my own children through that.

I didn’t know what to do, though.  I hadn’t been following God and didn’t really know how to turn my problems over to Him.  It did occur to me, and I’m certain this was God inspired, that if I could love my husband, I could go to Germany with him and give our marriage a chance. I didn't think I could possibly "make" myself fall back in love with my husband, but could God do it?

My first prayer in many years was, “Lord, show me how to love my husband again.”

It wasn’t very long before God started showing me the things about Rick that initially made me fall in love with him.  When I took him to the airport to go to Germany, without the children and me, I was deeply touched by all the military personnel waiting to board that flight to a new adventure.  Up to this moment, I had only felt contempt for the lifestyle I endured as a military spouse.  That day at the airport, though, I felt great pride for my husband in his commitment to our country by serving in the Air Force, the first positive thought I had held about him in a number of years.

God also began to show me little things, like how much Rick and I loved to dance together and how he made me laugh!  I quickly figured out that I needed to think about the positive things in our relationship and about my husband.  I had dwelt on the negative for so long, I had forgotten about the amazing man I had married.  In no time, I could hardly wait to join him in Germany.  I knew that God would completely restore the love in our marriage.  And He has!  Even greater than before!

You can easily change your thoughts about your spouse and fall in love all over.  That’s why the Bible tells us in II Corinthians 10:3 to “Take your thoughts captive.”    That means when those doubts and negativity come to your mind, make the choice to stop them, get rid of them.  Dwell on the positive attributes that made you fall in love.  You’ll discover it again in no time.  You married them, didn't you?  Ask yourself "why" and reminisce about the days when you couldn't stand to be apart!