GPS to a Joyful Marriage

I’ve been writing about preventative medicine for affairs – now on to the nitty gritty.  Affairs outside of marriage are usually a symptom of problems in the marriage.  Someone’s needs are not being met.  There are exceptions to this, of course.  An addiction to sex can cause a person to stray with little cause, or if the person grew up in a household where it obviously occurred and was never addressed, it becomes the norm.  For example – the Kennedys.  If daddy did it and didn’t disturb the family, then it must be okay.  Finding out that your spouse has cheated on you tears at your core of trust towards them.  A pain like no other you experience in a relationship, it afflicts a deep, intimately personal hurt that insults the soul. How could this person you thought you knew, whom you shared your life with and your intricate depths of emotion and love, have committed an act so vile to every part of your being?  It’s no wonder tha...

There is no fixed blueprint for intimacy.  It varies from person to person, relationship to relationship.  We each have our own set of needs that create intimacy for us.  The more our needs are met by our spouse, the more intimate we feel towards them.  Needs and intimacy go hand-in-hand.  Do you know what your needs are?  Do you know what makes your spouse feel the most intimate towards you? I’m pretty simple in my needs (I think) and my desire for intimacy. Conversation and attention are my greatest needs, although I do love when Rick does chores around the house or fixes things for me.   Sitting in church with him is also a huge intimacy builder; I always feel very close to him when we worship together or study God’s word.   Praying together, though, may be the ultimate intimacy builder for me. It’s very important to figure out what needs bring intimacy fulfillment to you and to your spouse.  If you don’t know, sit down and write...

What is intimacy?  Intimacy is a closeness you feel to another person, brought on by sharing activities, conversation, or anything that builds familiarity or affection.  Quality emotional time together enhances the desire for physical intimacy between a man and woman. There is a major difference between men and women, though, when it comes to intimacy.  If you’ve followed my blog for a little while, you’ve probably read my thoughts on this already.  I believe it is well worth a repeat reminder though. In most marriage relationships, women have a need for emotional intimacy before they desire sex.  Men, on the other hand, usually want sex before they seek emotional intimacy.  No wonder sex can cause conflict in a relationship.  Most men are ready for a tumble in the hay at the mere thought of it.  Most women need to be warmed up to the idea.  If emotional intimacy is lacking in their relationship, the last thing a woman wants to ...

Infidelity devastates a relationship more than any other act.  It can sever the bond and cause damage that many think is irreparable.  But is it?  Can you forgive and overcome the pain of cheating?  Can your marriage survive an affair? I recently read a Facebook page on marriage that gave four steps in forgiving a spouse who’s been unfaithful.  I thought they were very helpful and right on target.  What completely shocked me, though, were the comments from others to the idea of forgiving a cheating spouse. I am stunned at the large number of people who scoffed at these suggestions and said they would walk away.  It seems like most people would not choose to stay in a marriage if their spouse had an affair. I thank God that my husband stuck by me, over 20 years ago, when I almost left him for another man.   He was committed to making our marriage work.  No, it wasn’t easy, by any means.  We stuck it out, though, and tur...