Communicating

The relationships between men and women never cease to amaze me.  Most couples interact in the same ways.  We all deal with similar issues.  The degree of problems the issues cause, though, may vary depending on what we learned from our own families.

My husband and I spent the past weekend in Miami with our son and daughter-in-law.  Rick and I were in the back of the car and my son was driving.  He and his wife had a conversation about how to get where we were going that Rick and I have had hundreds of times.  I almost giggled out loud.  I’m still compelled to tell Rick how to drive even after 30 years of marriage.

Rick often has commented, jokingly, “Honey, I don’t know how I ever survive driving in the car, alone, without you here to guide me.”

My response has always been, “I pray for you when I’m not in the car with you.”

I know I’ve mentioned this before, but it is well worth repeating.  I think the devil has destroyed many marriages by having couples believe they are all alone in their struggles. No one else ever experienced the problems they have as a couple.  It’s justification, to them, for divorcing.

It couldn’t be further from the truth.  Realizing that every other couple faces the same kinds of problems at some point in their marriage is reassuring to most people.  We hear it time after time in our classes and at seminars.  It’s like giving you permission to laugh about it, make you see it’s really not such a big deal - especially when you talk to others who have survived a similar crisis.

Serious problems all start as minor issues.  When we don’t let go of the small stuff, we pile it all on until our problems seem insurmountable.  That’s why it is so important to deal with the small stuff before it becomes too big to handle.  Everybody has to deal with the small stuff all throughout marriage, even when you’ve been married 50 years or so.  It never goes away.  You just need to learn how to deal with it.

It’s not the circumstance or issue that causes problems; it’s how you communicate about the circumstance or issue.  While finances are the major stressor in most marriages today, it’s not the lack of money or spending causing the stress, but how you communicate about the lack of money and spending.

Communication is the glue that will hold a marriage together.  Since most of us go into marriage fairly clueless about proper communication, we have to teach ourselves what works best with our spouses and with ourselves.

I have written numerous times about communication on this blog, but feel it is an area that we can’t ever hear too much about.  For the next few weeks, I want to discuss what the Bible says about communication.

Until my next posting, please read my previous post dated June 13 on “Watch Your Mouth.”  That is a perfect starter for learning healthy communication methods. 

Proverbs 18:21 – “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”  In other words, what comes out of your mouth has the power to destroy your marriage -- or make it wonderful.