GPS to a Joyful Marriage

I’ve been talking about love, and after the amazing weekend we had at my son’s wedding in Miami, I’m overwhelmed with the power love holds. Motherhood aside, my son’s wedding was the most spectacular event I’ve ever seen. I can say that because I had no part in planning it. What touched me the most, though, was observing the dedicated love that David (my son) and Melissa (my daughter-in-law) share. They had no doubts. They could hardly wait to become man and wife. That love showered over into everything and everybody that came in contact with them. I talked individually with a few of the groomsmen, all unmarried, at the rehearsal dinner. At least three of them told me how David and Melissa changed their thoughts on marriage. Vowing to not ever marry, they began to rethink their convictions after viewing David and Melissa’s relationship. They realized that true love that warranted marriage was indeed possible. As a parent, we hope that our children will someday experience that k

Love, according to the New Testament, should be a deep, long-lasting commitment to principles, not an erratic, flesh-fed emotion that we are programmed to believe in.  If we put the fleshly feelings aside, we can discover love as God intended. The Greek word for that kind of love is agape.  Agape depicts the love of God.  It is a very difficult word to translate properly from Greek to English.  Rick Renner describes it very well in “Sparkling Gems.” "Agape occurs when an individual sees, recognizes, understands, or appreciates the value of an object or a person, causing the viewer to behold this object or person in great esteem, awe, admiration, wonder, and sincere appreciation.  Such great respect is awakened in the heart of the observer for the object or person he is beholding that he is compelled to love it.  In fact, his love for that person or object is so strong that it is irresistible."  The greatest example of agape love can be found in John 3:16.  “For God SO L

While most sources mention four Greek words for love, Ed Wheat also uses the word epithumia in “Love Life for Every Married Couple.” Other sources I’ve looked at concerning the Greek words for love seem to combine epithumia with eros.  Epithumia means “strong desire” - to long for, or covet. Negatively, it is translated as lust in the Bible. Positively, it means desire. Married couples should have a strong physical desire for one another. Couples (often women) seem to confuse this aspect of love with feelings. Sex is a very important part of marriage and a true indicator of the health of a marriage. When couples allow their negative feelings to interfere with the frequency of their sex life, trouble begins. Couples that marry naturally carry a physical desire for each other (if they marry for the right reasons.) That desire needs to be nurtured and kept alive for a marriage to survive.  It is very important that we continue to meet the needs of our spouse in order to have a health

One of the biggest difficulties we face in understanding love is the fact that we use the term so loosely.  We LOVE Oprah.  We LOVE hot fudge sundaes.  We LOVE our spouse.  Unfortunately, many of us are more emphatic about our love for hot fudge sundaes than our spouse.  We too often gage our love according to our feelings. In the Greek language, there are five different words for our word LOVE.  I want to look at them to show you a broader aspect of what love is.  You will see that there is much more to love than our feelings of the moment.  Feelings are not mentioned in any of these definitions. Stergo (also called storge) is the Greek word that represents the love for our children and our family.  It means ‘to be devoted’.  Although there are exceptions, we don’t usually divorce our family members.  Some family members may intentionally go for periods without talking, but in a crisis, they will usually join together.  We may not always like the members of our family, may not al

My son and I were discussing some appropriate Bible verses for his wedding to Melissa in less than two weeks.  (I’m so excited - I can hardly wait!)  I was quickly reminded of some of my favorite verses in I Corinthians chapter 13, often called the Love Chapter. I Corinthians 13: 1-3 “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.” The problem in many marriages, in many lives today, is that people don’t know what love is. I checked out my faithful computer dictionary for the meaning but quickly discovered that their description of love was mostly based on feelings.  Love goes so much deeper than our feelings.  The lovey-dovey feelings initially

After reading over my last posting, it occurred to me how slyly the devil can mask our selfishness.  Refusing, rejecting, unwilling, unaccepting, denying, disavowing, being stubborn are a few adjectives that express someone’s love of SELF.  I know I’ve talked many times about SELF, but I truly believe it is a dangerous weapon we carry that WILL destroy a marriage if not disarmed.  It also hinders a full relationship with God. In the last posting, I borrowed some words from Rick Renner’s “Sparkling Gems” about easy footholds for the devil.  They all start with ‘refusing’.   Refuse means “to indicate unwillingness: to declare a decision or intention not to do something.”  Refuse is a verb, an action.  It is not a mental state we have no control over.  We CAN willingly choose to change our thinking about the past, the present and our SELF.  We usually need God's help to do that. And there is that word, “willingly”.  Our wills are very powerful and deeply intertwined with our S

Ephesians 4:27 says, “ Do not give the devil a foothold. ”  According to my Microsoft dictionary, foothold means - "Firm base for progress: a secure starting position from which further advances can be made". Pride and selfishness are huge footholds we give to the devil to enter our lives and try to destroy our relationships.  Any sin in our life quickly opens up the door to allow the devil to enter.  We have to take responsibility for sin in our life, not always blaming it on the devil.  He will magnify our thoughts about problems, though, and fill our minds with enough garbage to help us make the choice to sin. The word ‘devil’ comes from the Greek work, diabolos .  Dia means to penetrate, and ballo means to throw. The devil constantly attempts to penetrate our thinking by throwing his evil ideas at us. The devil is not a scary monster that lives under our beds or an evil figure that slithers through the night. His greatest success has been to convince people that h

Our relationship with God is much like our marriage relationship.  You can’t be selfish or prideful and have a healthy relationship with God.  SELF is the number one factor that will keep us from the full, purposeful life God desires for us.  It will destroy our marriage and our relationship with God.  Lucifer fell from the grace of God because of his pride and lack of humility.  No wonder pride is such a struggle for us.  The devil is an expert at pride and quickly attacks our vulnerable areas.  If we are not prepared for his assaults, we easily succumb to his lies about humility. It’s not easy to be humble, especially when living in a world that encourages selfishness and pride.  Let’s face it, worldly success is largely based on how willing you are to promote your SELF.  If you face difficulties putting God ahead of your SELF, chances are you’ve become a little too immersed into the world.  Those who resist dying to their SELF for God, also struggle in putting their spouse ahe

I Peter 3:8 tells us to be “courteous” in the King James version, and “humble” in the NIV.  I briefly mentioned humility in this article earlier, but it continues to occupy my thoughts.  Although I have talked often about ‘self’ and ‘pride’, I’m afraid we can’t hear too much about either.  I believe they are the prominent factors that will quickly destroy a marriage.  So, more on humility! Below is the definition for humble according to my computer dictionary: 1.  modest: modest and unassuming in attitude and behavior  2.  respectful: feeling or showing respect and deference toward other people  3.  lowly: relatively low in rank and without pretensions of humble origins  Below is the definition for courteous: Polite and considerate: polite in a way that shows consideration of others or good manners Encarta ® World English Dictionary © & (P) 1998-2005 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved. I know we all understand the meaning of these words, but living in a worl