GPS to a Joyful Marriage

Our thoughts are the center of our being. They ultimately determine the path we will take in our lives. They determine our success in work, family, and relationships. They can also affect our emotional and physical health. Taking our thoughts captive is a difficult process we must learn in order to live our lives obedient to Christ. We only need to read the newspaper, the Internet, or turn on the television to see the effect of wrong thinking. Sometimes, wrong thinking may seem right to us. For example, maybe your family taught you to speak your mind, or they may have taught you to hold everything inside. Either way could be so engraved into your thinking that you believe it is right. It isn’t until you face a crisis that you realize there may be a better way. We humans tend to resist making change until we reach a critical pain level caused by the behavior in need of change. As my husband always says, sometimes we need to be hit over the head with a two-by-four in ...

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving Day! As usual, I ate too much, but enjoyed spending time with my son and his soon-to-be bride (and Rick, of course.) My daughter is visiting her friends in Australia for a month, so we missed her presence today. I’m excited to be adding a new daughter to my family though! What a joy she is! I am very thankful for an amazing daughter-in-law! This is my favorite time of year so I will continue to bask in the glow of the holiday spirit.  I've learned a long time ago to not get caught in the hustle and bustle of buying too many gifts, spending too much money.  My goal is to keep focused on why we celebrate it; for the birth of our glorious Savior. On with my post. It always amazes me how we read verses in the Bible over and over, and then one day, they jump out at us as though we’ve never seen them before. These verses from Paul in 2 Corinthians chapter 10 are doing that to me. I’m convinced they are the absolute key for success...

II Corinthians 10:3-5 - “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” These verses in II Corinthians speak volumes of how we should communicate, not only in our marriage, but also in all other relationships. I want to look at them verse by verse to show you what I mean. Vs. 3 -“For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.” How does the world wage war? All war starts with words of pride and arrogance and leads to fleshly battles if not controlled. The world tells us to speak what is on our mind no matter how offensive it may sound. Pride and arrogance are often permissible, if not admired in our society, for worldy success. They have started every...

What about people who need to discuss issues as soon as they arise?  I believe part of this characteristic is personality and part of it comes from upbringing and childhood experiences. This is foreign ground for me, so please feel free to leave any comments if you have something to add. Through the years of living with a man who wants to talk immediately, I have learned to be much more assertive in my ability to voice my opinion on the spot. Still, I sometimes spurt hurtful words at him that I hadn’t had the chance to think about first. I know Rick will forgive me because he adores me, so I feel safe with him. He’s the only person with whom I can speak freely. I really don’t like the way it feels, though, after saying unkind words I hadn’t thought through. Talking in the heat of an issue could be a danger zone for people who want to discuss it right away. (It certainly is for me, who wants to think about things first.) When your emotions are charged and you have an issue ...

People who hold back in expressing their true thoughts and feelings generally do not struggle with speaking before thinking. They struggle, though, with not being heard and not knowing what to do with the thoughts they would like to express. For example, when Rick and I were first married, I only expressed what I thought he would want to hear. (Warning, warning! Do NOT follow this example!) Something as simple as going out to eat became an issue for me. Rick would say, “Honey, where would you like to go eat?” I would say, “I don’t care.” At first, I really didn’t care. After numerous times of going to the same place, (Rick would eat the same thing night after night if given the choice), I began to resent Rick’s decisions. I honestly did not know how to speak out and voice my thoughts about something as simple as where to eat dinner. I didn’t think my opinion would matter. (Of course, it mattered to Rick. He didn’t know about my insecurities at the time and would never have allowed ...

I found this email I received a couple months ago when cleaning out my inbox. It says a lot about the differences between men and women. HER DIARY Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. we just sat there and watched TV. He seemed distant and absent. Finally, I decided to go to ...

We discussed truth in our marriage class at church yesterday. It is funny to see how similar couples are in their communication struggles, and we shared many laughs about it. That seems to be the greatest strength in our class, realizing that we are not alone. Everyone goes through the same types of problems. For example, you can almost count on the fact that one of the persons in a marriage will want to talk about everything immediately, while the other usually has to think about it first. I am the one that does not think clearly on my feet; I need to think about things before I vocalize my thoughts. Rick, on the other hand, wants to solve things, immediately. I get knots in my stomach whenever he starts a sentence with, “We need to figure out…” Rick has been trained to react and respond at a moment’s notice. He flew fighter jets where he had to make life-or-death decisions in seconds. He also grew up in a military family with the same method of decision-making. I have ...

I want to expand a little on my ideas on truth because I’m not certain the message on my last posting came through clearly. By no means do I suggest you lie to someone or say nothing to avoid the truth. If the truth affects the health of a person’s soul, then it should be addressed. We don’t want to cause another to stumble or miss out on eternity because we neglected to share the truth with them. What exactly is truth though? The absolute truth, or what the Bible teaches, no longer influences our society, so our thoughts on truth have been compromised. We’ve moved so far from it and regard it as ancient history from days gone by. (Actually, not that ancient. I clearly remember the strength of the truth in our society as a child.) How quickly it has catapulted to a matter of opinion. Elizabeth Cady Stanton said, “Reformers who are always compromising, have not yet grasped the idea that truth is the only safe ground to stand upon.” Maybe that’s why our country is in such d...

At one time, truth in our society consisted of integrity, honesty, and moral priorities. As a Christian nation, we understood the meaning of truth and accepted all it stood for. Times have changed. There now seems to be a gray area in which people quickly resort to when they are uncomfortable with the real truth. Truth has now become a matter of what works for you and what works for me, an individual choice. Why then does the world tell us to refrain from the belief of restrictive truths, yet individually, encourages no restraints from voicing our own opinions of truth, especially to those we love? (I am not talking about Biblical truths here - they are quickly becoming forbidden anywhere outside the church.) Many people feel obligated to point out every flaw and every wrongdoing of their spouses, children, and family members, no matter how hurtful the words are. For some reason, society tells us we have the right to do this. “Speak out! Tell them what you are feeling! Te...