GPS to a Joyful Marriage

The Bible tells us over and over to ‘put others ahead of ourselves’. That’s what keeps us from leaving before the fire gets too hot. When you think you can’t take another minute of the disharmony, you look into the eyes of your children, or into the eyes of the one you promised to share your life with.(Do this when you're not quite so angry.) Or you think about the amazing God who performed a miracle in your life before. You know He can do it again. You have to crucify the desires of your flesh to do the right thing. What if your spouse does not share the same beliefs that you do? What if they live in a selfish world and make no effort to put your needs ahead of their SELF? It’s difficult enough to share your life with someone who holds the same belief system you do. Trying to do it with an unbeliever is a whole other level of struggle. The best thing we can do for an unbelieving spouse is to quietly pray for them. I say quietly because you don’t ever want to “th...

When in the courting stages of a relationship, our feelings bubble over with giddiness and passion for the one we love. Those feelings bring a couple to the point of saying “I do!” Eventually, the giddiness may wane, only to be replaced by a deeper, substantive love required to carry a couple through the storms of life. Love is much more than a feeling, contrary to what our world may tell us. We don’t always feel loving, especially when our spouse behaves in a manner despicable to our very soul. Should we then cast them aside, moving on to find a more perfect mate? (In case you didn’t know - there is no such thing.) According to the Bible, love is a decision. A decision to serve another person’s interests. Philippians 2:1-5 says, “If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spi...

Marriage can sometimes feel like a rollercoaster ride. Unfortunately, we are easily influenced by circumstances and emotions that often temporarily affect our feelings. If we allow our feelings to direct our course of life, we will never get off that rollercoaster. Come to think of it though, Rick never boards that rollercoaster. His ride tends to be straight and level with no surprises. Of course, feelings never get in the way of his actions or decisions. I suppose my rollercoaster tendencies may be due to the fact that I’m A. female, B. hormonal most of the time, and C. from a family of rollercoaster riders. Now I know that when I drop to the lowest lows of the ride, I can easily get caught in a party of SELF-pity. Those times don’t occur as often as they used to, but I don’t understand why they occur at all anymore. Sometimes I wallow there for a full day. I guess that’s the part of being human that drives me crazy! I turned my life over to God almost 20 years ago but...

Lately, I’ve been consumed with a mission that I fear I may never solve. I’m trying to discover how to get through to a person who is so wrapped up in their SELF that they jeopardize the loss of the people they hold dear to them. I imagine that may also be God’s biggest obstacle in dealing with the human flesh. You see, SELF is the hugest factor for destroying a marriage. I know I’ve talked quite frequently about it before, but I’ve seen such devastation because of it in many couples we’ve counseled. Along with a surprisingly low self-esteem, overly selfish people tend to harbor emotional issues they’ve failed to deal with that cause this focus on SELF. Maybe it’s a survival mechanism. In dealing with people who have addictive personalities, the SELF monster almost always appears. The alcohol, drugs, or whatever, become problems big enough to ruin a marriage. Severely selfish people seem to want to SELF-destruct. It’s been said that the best solution for depression or sel...

I’m still touched about the story of the silversmith (last blog post). In hindsight, when you look back at a difficult situation you’ve been through (a fire experience), it all makes sense. You clearly see the goal God intended for you. But going through it - that’s another story! When I think of living in the midst of a “fire“, it occurs to me how difficult it really is to see the hand of God in the situation. Yes, we know He’s watching us, He’s helping us, but it doesn’t always FEEL that way. I know He’s always perfecting us, but sometimes I just don’t FEEL like any more perfection! That’s where we get in trouble. We allow our feelings to be our guide. They often cloud our focus on God. It’s hard not to, especially for us women who are emotionally driven. Those darn emotions tend to get in the way of everything! I sometimes envy my husband. Life seems so simple and uncomplicated to him. He makes a decision and that’s it. Not me. I’m going to think about it and pray abo...

Honoring our marriage vows and convictions made to God will ultimately bring blessings from Him. At some point though, we all experience “the fires of refinement”. That’s the hard part of marriage. Many precious metals and silvers are refined in fire to remove the bad stuff and be made perfect, . Every couple goes through “the fire” or a “make or break” time in their marriage. How you handle the fire determines the future of your marriage. Sadly, in these days of rampant divorce, over half of married couples jump out of the fire without resolving their problems, unwilling to bear the heat. As people who choose divorce quickly discover, the fire only heats up when divorce procedures begin, and never completely goes out, leaving little chance for resolve or resurrection. Withstanding the fire leads to a new understanding, a newer and better relationship. It builds character and turns us into the people God intends us to be. Only then do we appreciate the true meaning of “ti...

Happy Labor Day to you all. Rick and I just returned from a relaxing weekend at an RV park in Orlando. The opportunity to see our children highlighted this trip for the both of us. Why else would we go to Orlando on Labor Day weekend?? (I’m not a Disney fan and don't like crowds.) Our daughter visited us Saturday, and our son and his fiancé on Saturday evening. All adults, but always my children, we conversed about relationships and communication. What a joy for me to reap the benefits of years of praying and giving advise to my children, often times wondering if anyone was even listening. Our son and his future bride soaked up every word we had to say about communication in marriage. Eager to start out their marriage on solid ground, they wanted to know how to improve areas that sometimes “stumped” them. Rick and I were in our element discussing our favorite topic, marriage. How wonderful to pass down all the years of our marriage experiences with our son and his fi...

A dear friend from Australia recently emailed me the story below (hence, the use of the word “Mum.”) I had to share it with you. It may not relate completely to marriage, but it is a beautiful piece for all mothers to read. Although, if you think of the adage, “If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy,” this article becomes totally relevant to marriage! I hope you are blessed by it! The Invisible Mother...... It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask me a question. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mum. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some da...