GPS to a Joyful Marriage

For those of us who have given our lives and selves over to God, we don’t ever want to go back to how it was before we had Him in our lives. I lived a turbulent life before I asked for God’s help. Had it not been for God miraculously saving my marriage almost 20 years ago, I believe my life would still be in shambles right now. I won’t make decisions without discovering first what God’s will is for me. Trust me, life is so much better this way. Obedience to God brings rewards and blessing from Him that make life joyful. The “peace that surpasses all understanding” that He gives is the most precious gift, especially living in a world with great conflict and turmoil. Finding out God's will for you involves daily prayer. It doesn't have to be eloquent and lengthy, but more like a conversation you would have with your best friend. If you don’t know the love of God, I encourage you to seek Him. He’s right there. Open up His book (the Bible) and He will begin talking ...

I have mentioned SELF numerous times in this blog because it is the number one culprit that jeopardizes our relationship with God AND with our spouse. It prevents us from turning our lives over to God and from having the healthy marriage relationship God intended for us. SELF gets in the way of everything we’ve discussed so far; communication, love and respect, intimacy and sex, and our priorities. It cannot exist in a healthy relationship. While the world may tell us to embrace it, the Bible tells us to be free from it. It is in our nature to be selfish, so you have to make a conscious effort to not let SELF control your life. You must crucify it, die to it. Allow God to take the lead in your life. Phil. 2:3-5 says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility, consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interest of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus....

I believe “Satan’s Convention” (from previous blog) rings true in the fact that Satan is doing all he can to keep us from God, while destroying families in the process. Our lives have become so busy that we have little time to nourish the relationships with the people we love the most, much less establish a closeness to God. Our busyness to outside activity quickly upsets the order of our priorities. “Satan’s Convention” was written before the advent of the internet. How much easier yet more complicated our lives have become since this discovery. While supplying us with endless entertainment and vast knowledge, it has also become the root of much evil and devastation. Computers have monopolized the lives of an alarming amount of people and can be characterized as a true addiction when overused. There are many who spend hours every evening “surfing” the Internet, jeopardizing quality family time. Video game obsession also threatens the health of a family. My Microsoft dictiona...

We live in a society that keeps us busy. Our children have activities every evening, we have meetings three times a week, we grab food from fast food restaurants four times a week, and we volunteer for church or school activities two to five days of the week. While these may be all viable activities, if they take away from family time and couple time, it’s too much. All this outside social activity tends to rise to the top of our priority list. No wonder families are frazzled and fragmented. Below is an interesting story I found a number of years ago. Do you think the devil has been successful? By the way, this was written before the invention of the Internet. SATAN’S CONVENTION Satan called a worldwide convention. In his opening address to his evil angels, he said, “We can’t keep the Christians from going to church. We can’t keep them from reading their Bibles and knowing the truth. We can’t even keep them from conservative...

As a husband begins to meet his wife’s top five needs, her response is usually that of bountiful respect and love. In caring for her needs, the husband shows his love and devotion towards her, an absolute necessity in the heart of every woman. He in turn gets the respect he desires. Without the fulfillment of her needs, a woman has difficulty showing the respect and admiration her husband needs. Most of women’s needs stem around attention from her husband. I am amazed at the small amount of quality time many couples share. The more time you spend talking, laughing, doing activities you mutually enjoy, discussing spiritual ideas, sharing family time, fulfilling each others needs, and praying together, the stronger your love will become and will continue to grow. (Turn off your cell phones and televisions for the utmost quality time.) When most men think of dying to their SELF and putting their wife’s needs ahead of their own, they immediately picture a terrorist showing up at ...

We all have special needs in our lives that bring us joy and contentment and cause us to feel loved when they are met. These needs vary between individuals and are sometimes dependent on what we may be lacking in our lives. Unmet needs from our childhood can carry into adulthood. We enter into marriage assuming our spouse’s needs are the same as ours. So, we shower them with love and attention in those areas. Usually, their needs are quite different from ours, and so their top needs go unmet because we are unaware of them. Below is a Needs Survey from the book “His Needs, Her Needs,” by William F. Harley Jr. It will help you determine what your needs are and what your spouses needs are. It will also help you become better acquainted with your spouse and equip you to properly fulfill their needs. NEEDS SURVEY The ten basic emotional needs are listed below. You can add other emotional needs that you feel are essential to your marital happiness. In the space provided before e...

Matthew 22:37,38 tells us to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind." This is the first and greatest commandment.” Verse 39 of Matthew 22 goes on to say, "And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.” The Bible tells us that the second greatest commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself. Our spouses are also considered our neighbor. We seem to forget to include our families, our children, and our spouses into the category of “neighbor”. It’s often easier to be nicer to a stranger or the family next door than the person we share our beds with night after night. We take our spouses for granted, assuming they’ll always be there. It’s natural to love our children unconditionally. Unfortunately, many of us don't imply the same standards to our spouses. Can you imagine divorcing one of your children? Why should you feel any different about your spouse? While we strive to love our spouse uncond...

Putting our spouse second on the list of priorities, right under God, is not always as easy as it looks on paper. It seems effortless as a newlywed caught up in the passion of romance. As time goes by and life throws us curve balls, it becomes more difficult, and other things get in the way. With the unclear roles of family in our society, healthy priorities easily fall to the wayside. “The squeaky wheel gets the oil” or “the smoking gun” gets the attention. That seems to be the agenda for choosing priorities. Jobs and careers sometimes become “gods” to people. They may be an escape from a troubled marriage or an obsession fueled by worldly ideas of success. Most wives, at one time in their marriage, feel their husband’s job is more important to him than they are. Many wives now enjoy successful careers that often get in the way of their family time. The husband feels like less of a priority, especially if they have children. There is not much “couple” time when both spou...

We serve a mighty God who desires to be first in our lives. When we are obedient to His will and put Him above all else, we will experience success and have a blessed life. There will still be hardships, but they will be surrounded by peace that passes all understanding. Putting God first in your life is the foundation of a successful marriage. Exodus 20:3-5 say, “You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God.” Matthew 22:37,38 - “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment.” When you first marry and experience that overwhelming love like you’d never known before, it’s difficult to imagine loving God more than your spouse. I remember trying to grasp the concept and couldn’t g...